Poem of Lot’s Wife

 You think you know me,

The pillar of salt.

The woman who looked back

To see the city she loved destroyed. 

My greatest sin was loving 

My family, my home, 

My friends, and my community. 

I was a good wife. 

I raised my children

I submitted to my husband

I did my duty. 

I listened as my husband 

Offered my daughters up to be 

Used for their pleasure. 

I watched as he spend time

With those unseemly near 

The city gates.

I followed when he said

“ Thus said the Lord”

and we left. Fleeing 

EVERYTHING we had established. 

Yet again. 

So I looked back. 

I heard the screams of my friends

I wanted to see my beloved home one more time. 

I looked back…

And became no more. 

God supposedly saved 

My husband- the “one righteous man” 

Who would then go on to have 

Relations with our daughters

While my salty ashes were 

Still drifting in the wind. 

My story is told over and over

I’m the rebellious wife who

Longed  for the world 

I paid for my sin with my death.

But you don’t know me. 

What if my story is here

As a warning to women. 

Showing women that following the

Wrong person can lead to 

Their utter destruction. 

Just as following mine

Destroyed me. 

-Amber Schultz

2023 

#formerfundie #deconstruction #fundiereacts #deconstructingfaith #deconstructingchristianity #cultsurvivor #purityculturesurvivor #womanoffaitth #fundiefreed #formerfundie #fundietiktok #fundiecult #fundiechildhood #weirdthingsfundiesdo #purityculture #courtshipgonewrong #fundierelationships #courtship #fundiestorytime #fundiesnarck #fundiefundiesnark #fundietalks #independentfundenentalbaptist #ifb #nifb #fundiefriendlyreminder  #survivorstories

I’m Not a Cookie -Cutter Christian

 Not a Cookie-Cutter Christian 

Cookie cutter Christianity was never for me. 

Yes, I was pressed in the mold and held in. 

I was given the exact things to say and wear. 

I was given the exact template of my life. 

I was shown exactly God’s will by those around me.

Then I was tried in fire. Trying to cement my place in this mold. 

Good girl - they would say. 

God loves it when you are silent and obey.

Good girl- keep sweet.

God loves it when you shrink yourself to only be what we say you should be. 

But I’m not a cookie cutter Christian.  Never have been.

From my earliest memory, I remember questioning everything I went along with. Then battling the unending guilt because I challenged what I was taught. 

I broke out of the mold many years ago, but I kept the shape.  That shape held me bound for many year, even though inside I was working desperately to break out. 

Piece by piece the shape started to crumble.

Til one day a part of me broke loose. I could feel that part of myself come alive in ways I never knew possible.  I began to love others and see others in ways I never knew possible. 

So I ran- hard as I could and threw myself against everything to break more of the pieces off. 

Bruised and bloody I emerged no longer in that molded shape, but fully into who I am.  

As time passes I see more and more things come out of me that God created me to be. I see paths I can take that were always closed to me. I meet and love people who I never would have talked to then.

I have come alive and live life now as it should be lived- full of love and happiness.  

Doesn’t mean I don’t have dark days still…. But now the dark days don’t bind me as they so easily used to.  

I’m not a cookie cutter Christian. Never have been. Never will try to be again.  

Amber Schultz 

2023

God Pulled Me Out

 God pulled me out of a pit,

But it wasn’t dirty and murky. 

It was clean and pretty

With stained glass windows

And shiny, happy people.

Carpets and seats to match,

Solid wood pulpit and steps.

Potlucks and revivals,

The commandments from the “Bible”.

God pulled me out of a pit,

But there were no darkness there.

Not the kind I was told about anyway. 

The darkness I saw was in people

Wearing pressed suits and Sunday dresses.

Plastic smiles on their faces to hide the 

Pain in their eyes. 

The discontented souls wandering around

Singing “Jesus Loves me this I know.  “

God pulled me out of a pit,

But it wasn’t alcohol or drugs that held me.

It was the binding of legalism and rules;

The Thou shalt nots shouted from the stage.

The dresses I wore were supposed to protect  me,

Instead they bound me in shame. 

They didn’t protect me from hands or eyes

Wanting to see what was underneath. 

God pulled me out of a pit,

But it wasn’t what the church told me was.

As I was slowly being lifted, the hands of all

Those left behind grabbed at my naked soul.

Pulling me hard back into the mire I knew, 

Back into their control. 

But God pulled me out of the pit. 

He knew how slowly I needed to go.

Over time more bindings and chains

Began to fall away.

With every new freedom I was able to finally see

What was on the outside. 

God pulled me out of the pit, 

He did it through me- giving me 

The strength to go on when I could

Not move forward another step.

God made the way, but I made the choice

Every single day to fight against everything

I’ve ever known, to end it for my family with me. 

Now that I am out of the pit,

My wounds sting from the breeze of freedom. 

I want to run far away from it, knowing 

The darkness and evil I left. 

But when I look back, I see other people.

People like me who are so trapped 

Trying to get out. 

So no I stand, reaching a hand into the pit;

Hoping that my hand can be someone’s lifeline.

You do not have to stay in there. 

You do not have to do this alone. 

My hand is reaching back in the pit for you. 

-Amber Schultz

2023

Living inside the box

*TW- mental health*

One of the most dangerous and evil beliefs pushed by Christianity for YEARS- is that mental health problems are sin based.

Believing that because a person struggles with depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc. is a result of lack of faith and focus on God. 

I cannot tell you how many times, even by family, we were questioned WHY we sought professional help for my husband’s PTSD instead of just “praying more”. 

We did that in the beginning. The result was he almost lost his life in the battle against PTSD.

I have struggled with complex PTSD, anxiety, and depression for my whole life.  Never once has a single prayer or Bible verse cured me. 

God gave people wisdom and ability to learn things; and because of that we have mental health professionals who can help us. 

Pastors ARE NOT qualified to give mental health counseling( unless they have gone to  school and have a degree in it). 

I have known too many people who have lost their lives in the battle against mental health because they were dismissed and told to pray more and get right with God. 

I’m here to tell you this is a complete and total LIE fabricated by fear; pushed down by controlling men from a pulpit.  

Mental health issues are NOT A SIN. Nor are they a result of sin.  

Medication to help stabilize you is NOT A SIN. 

Therapy is NOT A SIN. 

You DO NOT LACK FAITH if you seek help from professionals.

You do not have to be trapped inside that box if torment with no hope.

There is help.

It is NOT your fault.

-Amber Schultz

2023

Joy of Deconstruction

 Joy

Emptiness fills me

Where joy once stood

Darkness envelops

Nothing is understood

What once was right

Now is wrong

What I once held tight

Now is gone

Beliefs that hurt,

Hindered, scarred

I held to tightly

Now I am marred

The weights called convictions

Sunk me so deep

I am now trying to shake them 

All I do is weep

Backslider! Jezebel!

I have heard all the names

You can’t do much worse

I have played all the games

Smile and be sweet

Submit and be content

No complaints, no frowns

No room to vent

No room for error

You’re a Christian remember?

Don’t you dare misstep

Not a spot of dirt ever.

Fake. It’s all fake. 

Behind the smiles and prayers

Hidden heartache and pain

Shoved down for years

No one can be honest

No one can be real

No one can ever

Be sad or feel

Anything but joy

Or you are not saved

At the very least you

To sin have caved

But no more, ever

I refuse to hide

My feelings are valid

Your joy I have tried

My God became human

So He understands

On the days I am so depressed

Or when I anxiety does end.

He is there with me

When I am low

Doesn’t expect me to fake it

Doesn’t expect me to glow

He allows me to feel

He allows me to cry

He allows me to be angry

And shake my fist on the sky

He doesn’t punish me

For how honest I am

He listens and waits

And He understands 

So no need to hide

What He already knows

Might as well be honest

And say how it goes

For in honesty I find

The true joy

That I have always 

Longed to enjoy

-Amber Schultz

2023

My self worth

 

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴

𝘋𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘺

𝘋𝘪𝘴𝘨𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨

𝘙𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯

How was I supposed to live a joyful life when I was told how horrible I was? 

𝘕𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘢𝘱𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 

𝘋𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘴 - 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘺.

How was I supposed to navigate life and protect myself from those who wanted to harm me, when I was taught that my most basic instinct to protect myself was inheritintly evil? 

Humans in their base nature can be selfish and evil- but wasn’t that the point of Christ dying? To let us then live a life that is full of joy?  

Self deprecation and hatred is not a sign of holiness.  It is put in place by many to control the masses.  When we live in Christ it is liberty. Liberty to love freely, to have joy, true peace, and so many other things. Knowing that He gave us the ability to make good choices and trust our instincts. 

Never again will I allow another human to dictate my self worth. 

-Amber Schultz

2023

24 year old me….

24 year old me.

Just had my first baby in Germany.

Not yet married 2 years and my husband about to leave for a war zone for 12 months .

The smile hid a lot. 

It hid the self righteousness that I carried with me as I met new people in the military community. 

Yes - I was a liberated woman! I was wearing pants and showing off my collarbone ! 

But inside I was still chained to the dogma that wouldn’t really start breaking for another year. 

Alone. 

But not because others didn’t try to befriend me. But I was too good to hang out with them. How could I keep my “testimony” if I DARED enter a house that had alcohol in it? Or hung out with other women who didn’t believe in Jesus?

I remember saying to my mom, ” I’m here for a great purpose! To win all these military wives to Jesus!” 

How so?

Win them by snubbing them, looking down at them for not having 𝘮𝘺 moral code, and keeping myself ”set apart”.

None of these actions made a difference except to isolate me and make me look like a jerk. 

I was rude to many people- and I regret that. I wish I could change my behavior and go back to befriend so many who were lonely and hurting just like me. 

-Amber Schultz 

2023 

Healing Comes in Many Forms

 Healing comes in many forms. 

Sometimes it is hard grueling work that one does daily to weed out the darkness. 

Sometimes it is a hike in nature, surrounded by the calm serenity that only the natural world brings.

But other times.…

Other times it is through people. People who, but no knowledge of their own, step in and become a balm on open wounds. 

This is that place for me. 

Not the building or the music work.

But the adults and children who have surrounded me and my family with the deepest love for our true selves.   The endless outpouring of love and community service (within and without the church) without true joy in their hearts.  

Deconstructing your faith is hard and hurts so much. You lose so many people, and lose a part of yourself in the process ( granted what you gain is unbeatable) . 

True Christian love is not found in open sacrifice and accolades. It is found in the hard things. The nitty gritty. The behind the scenes work and in service because they WANT to, not because they have to. 

The last few years have been really hard. 

But this moment, when no one knew, God healed a part of myself I never thought possible.  

-Amber Schultz 2023

Dear 18 Year Old Me

 Dear 18 Year Old Me, 

I see your smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. I see the gown pinned higher for the photo to “stay modest”.  I see the never ending turmoil that is raging around inside your head every second of every day. 

You feel alone, but this year you have made a friend who will be with you for a lifetime.  You are trying so hard to please those around you, to keep those secrets, to stay “holy”…but you know even then you will not ever achieve the level of perfection you have set for yourself. 

I promise you- things do get better. You will work very hard for your growth, and there will be a lot of pain in the process…but never give up hope. 

You will have a beautiful family. 

You will finally end the war in your head- seeing finally that the God who expected perfection from you was not God at all- but a god used by men to control you.  

You’re not wrong in your doubts. Keep fighting. 

Better days come. Peace will come. You will finally come into who you are fully, just keep pushing yourself. 

Rest when you need to. 

Hug those babies one more time, because they don’t stay babies forever. 

The house doesn’t have to be perfectly clean. 

Your worth is not tied to what you can do or how you look. 

You are loved by so many, even though you can’t feel it now. 

Love your mom and be kind to her - she’s precious and dealing with so much.  

Most of all- keep going. 

Sincerely, 

Much older you .

Oh- and P.S. Don’t date the guy with the orange truck…and if a guy shows up on a date wearing short shorts and carrying his guitar…just drive off 😂

New Look at the Good Samaritan

 Oft times I am reminded of different Bible stories I learned growing up- and now see them in an unfiltered light. 

Like the story of the Good Samaritan. 

Remember the man robbed and bruised and left to die? All the people that walked by him and saw him lying there and not doing anything. 

Maybe expressing pity, loathing, “I will say prayers for you” nonchalantly as they walk by.

Until… someone walked by who cared. 

Who picked up this person they didn’t know and nursed him back to health. 

Now I see this story no longer as “ look the world will pass you up, but God’s people will lift you up!”, but instead I see it through a deconstructed faith’s point of view.

I was the person in the ditch - bloodied and bruised by bad theology and spiritual abuse. I was left to just die under the context of “convictions” that were just spiritual chains. 

Christians passed by. They saw my hurt. They saw the pain. They just stayed silent. 

Or gave me platitudes. 

Or judged me for falling.

Or pushed me further down because they were so much better than me. 

Until.

A Good Samaritan came by. This wasn’t just one person- it was people over the years who were not Christians at all or NON IFB Christians. 

They picked me up. 

Loved me bloodied and bruised .

Began to give me space to heal and recover. 

These people saved my life- in many ways. 

None of them were who I was told would help me. The sinners . 

The ”world”.

The “fallen away” Christians.

They showed me more grace, non judgment, and authenticity than I ever found inside the doors of an IFB church. 

Period. 

This is who I want to be. 

This kind of Good Samaritan . 

- Amber Schultz 

2023

Open Letter to Fundie Churches

 Dear Pastors/Church Members in leadership,

It had been my learned experience is that when people scream the loudest have the most to hide. 

“We all have skeletons in the closet” 

For example:

-A pastor I set under for a few years preached HARD on female chastity and dress code. 

The entire time he had had an incestuous relationship with his daughter for decades ( childhood well into adulthood) and his wife knew about it. 

- Another pastor I sat under preached HARD against drinking alcohol .  He was a “greenhouse” Christian and grew up with all the rules. One of my family members so happened to run into him on vacation with his family….at a dive on the beach drinking.

- Another preacher I knew preached hard against the “prideful feminists and LGBTQ+” community on almost a weekly basis…BUT had his own deacons help him put on his suit coat, fix his tie, lint roll him, and spritz him with cologne before he walked out to start a service .  

My point is …

We all do things wrong. That is just humanity. But to do things wrong and call out others so hatefully while we do it ourselves is hypocritical. 

This is why people are leaving Christianity in droves. It is because they are being bullied by leadership, while the whole time getting the “ do as I say not as I do” speech.  

Pastors are not above any other person in the congregation. They are called to serve others, not berate them.  

Be honest. Be an open book. If you struggle with something, don’t use it as a platform to blast others so you can feel better about your own self. 

Lead with love. Lead intentionally with compassion and empathy.  Don’t put on a facade of perfection and holier than thou. 

More and more people are seeing the disingenuous intentions of church leadership-and are tired of it. 

Sincerely,

A Frustrated Christian 

Amber Schultz 

‘23

Forgiveness

 Forgiveness.

Oh how many times I’ve heard that word; or at least some variation. 

Forgive the sinner.

Forgive the abuse. 

Forgiveness is what proves your Christianity.

Forgive like Jesus forgave you. 

Turn the other cheek.

Look the other way. 

He only did it once. 

She only said it twice .

Forgive. 

Forget. 

Repeat. 

Seventy times seven. 

Repeat.

When once turns to twice 

Twice to twenty 

Twenty to hundred 

Forgive.

Repeat. 

This gross misinterpretation of forgiveness has led us down to a path where no longer critically think.  We see ourselves as better for enduring tribulation and pride ourselves for forgiving over and over again. 

When really forgiving is not about them at all. 

It is about you. 

Forgiveness gives YOU space to let go and heal. 

Forgiveness does not mean you continue to keep yourself in unsafe situations. 

Forgiveness does not mean you allow the person to continue harming over and over —as long as they ask forgiveness each time of course.

This is why predators and abusers love Christian world. Because they know 90% of the time they will be forgiven and allowed to continue in their ministry. They get to continue their lives -while their victims live in turmoil and trauma the rest of theirs. 

Stop the repeat. 

Expose the evil. 

We are long past seventy times seven. 

-Amber Schultz 2023

What I Deserve

“ you don’t deserve anything good or happy. “ 

This was advice from a pastor to me during marriage counseling after I expressed an issue I was having. 

 I struggled for a very long time with self worth.  So in that I use to sabotage relationships when things went smoothly so I could play the hero and fix it. 

So in one sentence that behavior was reinforced. 

At this point, thankfully, I had a secular therapist who helped me see my value and my worth.  

She helped me see it was a lifetime of religious indoctrination that held me chained to this belief that I deserved nothing .

Once I realized it wasn’t a SIN to have an expectation of normal human happiness- my worldview changed.  

I was able to then work on setting healthy boundaries .

I was then able to start working on breaking my co-dependent nature. 

But this is why Christian’s stay in unhappy and/or abusive marriages.  

Because we are taught we deserve nothing but the worst- so when we are treated terribly we just nod and accept it. Why wouldn’t we? We don’t deserve better. 

It is why when a husband/wife is a complete douche bag - but they turn up one day and bring flowers or pick up socks we are filled with love and talk about how blessed we are. Because we are told we don’t even deserve human respect- so any act of kindness is seen as a major thing. 

It is why there are no boundaries in any relationships. 

But I’m here to tell you it’s all lies.  God saw value in us enough to die for us. That value that cost a life is massive. He wants us to be happy and loved . You are worth more than you could ever imagine. 

You deserve more than the occasional flower, phone call, or to be included when others deem necessary. 

You deserve happiness. You deserve love. You deserve safety. You deserve all the good things just for being human.

….and that is just the beginning.

—Amber Schultz 2023. 

True Women of the Bible

I was taught that Vashti, Orpah, and Bathsheba were horrible women. 

That Vashti was rightfully banished for her disobedience, that Orpah loved the “world” more than her family, and that Bathsheba deserved to lose her firstborn because she was an unfaithful woman….

Even as I child I couldn’t understand how this could be true. 

1- Vashti was a Queen. A QUEEN. Not a common entertainer. Her husband was drunk with his buddies and wanted her to come show herself off. BECAUSE OF HER DIGNITY AND BRAVERY she refused. This could have cost her life- instead she was banished.  She models to me someone who honors herself and her character more than pleasing the crowd.  She has boundaries and knows her self worth. 

2- Orpah was in HER LAND with HER PEOPLE. She had just suffered major loss.  She had every right and normal human need to be around everything familiar to her. She went where she was comfortable to mourn.  She isn’t sinful for doing what she needed to in her grief. She isn’t “less than” Ruth for not going with her mother-in-law . She did what many of us would do- stay in what is safe and familiar. 

3- Bathsheba was an innocent woman. She was married, by all accounts, to an honorable man. She was on HER ROOF ( customary at the time) to bath. David was being a lazy human and just hanging out playing peeping Tom. His mind started thinking with his pants, and as a king no one could refuse him.  He r@ped Bathsheba and kept her. He killed her husband and as a result of all of this - she was included in his punishment and lost her child.  All because a man watched her from his tower and decided he would just have her. 

So while fundies celebrate the submissive behaviors of Esther ( who was human trafficked in) and Ruth… I celebrate the women with no voice who had their stories taken from them and twisted to help support wicked agendas. These women are the real heroes to me. 

—Amber Schultz 

2023 

Stained Glass Christianity

 Stained Glass Christianity has ruined Christianity.

The church is a porcelain facade of holier than thou spirits and fake piety

The church doesn’t love unless there is something for them in return 

What do they want? 

Your money

Your body

Your soul

Your mind

Total allegiance to the stained glass mentality. 

Where there is no room for imperfection- so all imperfections continue to be concealed

Abuse

Predators

Control

Betrayal 

Bigotry

Racism 

This is what the stain glass covers. Each layer painted over to conceal the cracks and mistakes.

The church will not be recognized as good representatives of Christ on earth until we shatter every stain glassed window pane. 

Every piece scattered to the wind to reveal us for who we are. 

Humans just like everyone else. 

We mess up 

We are angry

We get hurt 

But we love others with an unconditional love. 

We do not hide abuses- or excuse it.

Shattering the glass and letting light in- We expose every monster lurking in the dark .

But to do so makes us face that we really aren’t as different or “ set apart” as we see ourselves being.  It breaks down the wall of us vs them. It makes us the same as everyone else. 

So patch harder. Cover up with more paint. 

Muddy up the stain glass window to hide your sins. 

But realize this…

The cracks are visible from afar off. We all know. 

We are just waiting for it to break 

Amber Schultz

2023

When the Right Thing Hurts

 When the right thing hurts - it is still the right thing. 

It is right to leave a toxic environment 

It hurts to leave all you’ve ever known 

It is right to say you will no longer speak hate to others 

It hurts when those you love turn that hate speech onto you

It is right to slip away from a church without causing a scene ( depending on circumstance) 

It hurts when you lose the people you’ve loved

It is right to put up boundaries to keep yourself safe 

It hurts when those around you do not respect it

It is right to grow and heal yourself from the past 

It hurts when the past keeps pulling you back 

It is right to cut out family that continually abuses you in anyway

It hurts when you mourn what those relationships should have been

It is right to uproot and throw away the  toxic Jesus you were taught 

It hurts to know things you believed were wrong and in that you hurt others

Friends- it hurts. Nothing we can do to move around that. But on the other side of that pain there is hope and healing. 

The other side is full of life and love. It is full of confidence and compassion for self and others. 

There are people who love you as you are- respect your boundaries- and hold safe spaces for you. 

There is a Jesus who is not like the Jesus we knew. This Jesus loves us where we are, in our doubts, in our anger, and in our pain. He holds space for us as we push Him out and waits for us to pull Him back in. 

The pain is real. It hurts. It does get easier. 

So do what is right; even when it hurts 

-Amber Schultz

  2023

Empty

 Empty.

Gaping hole. 

A wound that continues to be reopened no matter how long it has been healing. 

Searing pain caused by a flash.

A memory .

A smell.

Suddenly my mind becomes a Time Machine. 

The fog of memory loss/suppression is lifted.

I can tell you every detail of the room.

Every single color and sound. 

But this is not a happy place.

I’m no longer an adult.

I’m 6, 9, 12, or 16.

Every second flashes by slowly. 

Im watching it all in third person.

Just when I can’t stand it

I’m brought back to the present. 

By a smell

By a sound

By touch

Be still my racing heart.

You are not there anymore

Memories are just those- memories. 

With each day they will 

Ever so slowly lose their power. 

Because every day

You are stronger 

Braver

Breaker of chains

The wound closes and

Healing continues 

Because of YOU

Because you continue .

Amber Schultz

2023

I Once Was Lost- but Now I'm Found.

ɪ ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴡᴀs ʟᴏsᴛ

Lost in my own pride of being different. Proud to be set apart by my physical appearance and speech. Looking down on others who didn’t talk or walk as I did

Lost in legalism that dictated my every breath 

Lost in a mentality / belief that contained God in a box no bigger than a KJV and a preacher’s mind. 

ʙᴜᴛ ɴᴏᴡ ɪ’ᴍ ғᴏᴜɴᴅ 

I found that I am no better than any human. That the good parts of me are enhanced by the love of Christ in me, and the love I show others.  Putting myself on a pedestal because I checked all the IFB boxes hurt my testimony with anyone outside of my bubble

I found that the weight of legalism stifled my liberty in Christ. Laying those down, I have been free to live in love and peace .

I have found that God is so much bigger than the one I was taught about. That He is found in so many places outside of a church building and a group of people that holds on to their traditions as gospel. 

ɪ ᴏɴᴄᴇ ᴡᴀs ʙʟɪɴᴅ

Blinded by manufactured holiness wrapped up floor length skirts.

Blinded by men in power holding God’s Word over like a brutal whip - lashing out at any sign of individuality.

Blinded by coercion and isolation covered up with biblical terms and fear.

ʙᴜᴛ ɴᴏᴡ ɪ sᴇᴇ

I see now that true holiness is not what men dictate from a pulpit ( or women looking down their lofty noses) - but in serving others. Not in how I dress, but in how I love others as Jesus did. 

I see God’s Word no longer contained in one book - but in many. His words and love are in people around us. His truth is kindness and hope. He who made us INDIVIDUALS- celebrates that diversity; even among His own apostles 

I see that God did not want us isolated and so set apart we shun the “world”.  There is no more evil in the world than in church buildings. People make the church- people make the world- both places are fallible. I know longer carry the fear of “us vs them”

My chains are gone 

I’ve been set free 

My God, My Savior

He rescued me

And like and flood

His mercy reigns 

Unending love 

Amazing grace 

-Amber Schultz

2022

Song lyrics from Amazing Grace ( My Chains are Gone) 

by Chris Tomlin

Lay Down that Weight

 Lay Down that Weight

For years, I was taught that the “sin and weight that so easily holds us back ( or besets us) from Hebrews 12:1 was the weight of the world- or the weight of my pride- or the weight of all the things we hold before God.

All of these things were “keeping us from God” and ”preventing us from running our race”

But no.

My friends I truly believe that weight we were told to put aside were the bonds of religion. 

The weight of dress code

The weight of legalism 

The weight of dogma 

The weight of patriarchy 

The weight of roles in the home 

The weight of pulpit convictions 

The weight of fear 

The weight of perfectionism 

The weight of Pharisaical holiness

The weight of (insert here) 

For the weight is what holds us back. Keeps us from fully seeing God as he his, and rising to our fullest potential.

These weights focus us on what we are told is Christ like- yet ignores how Christ really walked in the world. 

These weights curb our compassion and empathy, and begins our view of others as less than or just souls to be harvested. 

These weights can cause serious mental health issues - because no one can obtain the perfection set before them. 

So lay down those weights.

Feel the sweet relief of dropping every expectation and learning about Christ through lense not tainted by dogmatic world views. 

Seeing that Christ loves us in our humanity - that he walked and loved those of minority and outcasts. He loved people where they are, and not for what he put on them to be. 

Let go of legalistic expectations for yourself and see God for who He is- outside of the bubble or box you were told He was in. 

You will find a more compassionate and loving friend 

He sits with you without judgment of your situation 

The true liberty of Christ is not how many boxes we check in our religion- it is how we throw that checklist away and truly work out our belief for ourselves.

-Amber Schultz 

2023

Take Off Your Armor

 Take Off Your Armor

As I have deconstructed- evolved- changed in my beliefs, I realized WHY lifestyle evangelism was

preached against. 

It takes the work out of reaching others. 

It is easy to carry signs, dress right, and look down on those you disagree with. 

But it takes WORK to live as Christ did. 

It takes WORK to put ourselves aside and get to know people for who they are. 

This work takes time. 

This work meant the “conversions” numbers would be drastically lower.  Because we wouldn’t be just pulling by the skin of their teeth. 

To develop a relationship not like you challenges your beliefs. So this would crack and break so many surface level believers. 

Everyone prefers the echo chamber to the hard reality that not everyone will agree. 

But as I have grown, I realized that pulling myself off this pedestal was EXACTLY what I needed to do. 

To sit with people where they are. Get to know them. Love them. Develop a relationship and hope to become a safe space for them. 

Because of their physical/mental/emotional need are not met; the spiritual ones will not be. 

People need to feel safe and loved to let someone in. 

I’m not at all advocating for an ulterior motive here.  I mean truly get to know people who you want to know. Love them. Answer questions if it comes up. But don’t enter this thinking at the end you’ll convert someone. 

Just be as Christ is. Loving and kind. Let them see you love them whether they choose to believe or not. 

So take off your armor of self righteousness.

Lay down your sword you use to so easily cut the wounded. 

Our enemy is not people.

The only way people will ever see Jesus is if we start mending these Bridges burnt by fundamentalist and evangelicals.  

It is one step at a time.

-Amber Schultz 

2023