What I Deserve

“ you don’t deserve anything good or happy. “ 

This was advice from a pastor to me during marriage counseling after I expressed an issue I was having. 

 I struggled for a very long time with self worth.  So in that I use to sabotage relationships when things went smoothly so I could play the hero and fix it. 

So in one sentence that behavior was reinforced. 

At this point, thankfully, I had a secular therapist who helped me see my value and my worth.  

She helped me see it was a lifetime of religious indoctrination that held me chained to this belief that I deserved nothing .

Once I realized it wasn’t a SIN to have an expectation of normal human happiness- my worldview changed.  

I was able to then work on setting healthy boundaries .

I was then able to start working on breaking my co-dependent nature. 

But this is why Christian’s stay in unhappy and/or abusive marriages.  

Because we are taught we deserve nothing but the worst- so when we are treated terribly we just nod and accept it. Why wouldn’t we? We don’t deserve better. 

It is why when a husband/wife is a complete douche bag - but they turn up one day and bring flowers or pick up socks we are filled with love and talk about how blessed we are. Because we are told we don’t even deserve human respect- so any act of kindness is seen as a major thing. 

It is why there are no boundaries in any relationships. 

But I’m here to tell you it’s all lies.  God saw value in us enough to die for us. That value that cost a life is massive. He wants us to be happy and loved . You are worth more than you could ever imagine. 

You deserve more than the occasional flower, phone call, or to be included when others deem necessary. 

You deserve happiness. You deserve love. You deserve safety. You deserve all the good things just for being human.

….and that is just the beginning.

—Amber Schultz 2023.