Dear 18 Year Old Me

 Dear 18 Year Old Me, 

I see your smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. I see the gown pinned higher for the photo to “stay modest”.  I see the never ending turmoil that is raging around inside your head every second of every day. 

You feel alone, but this year you have made a friend who will be with you for a lifetime.  You are trying so hard to please those around you, to keep those secrets, to stay “holy”…but you know even then you will not ever achieve the level of perfection you have set for yourself. 

I promise you- things do get better. You will work very hard for your growth, and there will be a lot of pain in the process…but never give up hope. 

You will have a beautiful family. 

You will finally end the war in your head- seeing finally that the God who expected perfection from you was not God at all- but a god used by men to control you.  

You’re not wrong in your doubts. Keep fighting. 

Better days come. Peace will come. You will finally come into who you are fully, just keep pushing yourself. 

Rest when you need to. 

Hug those babies one more time, because they don’t stay babies forever. 

The house doesn’t have to be perfectly clean. 

Your worth is not tied to what you can do or how you look. 

You are loved by so many, even though you can’t feel it now. 

Love your mom and be kind to her - she’s precious and dealing with so much.  

Most of all- keep going. 

Sincerely, 

Much older you .

Oh- and P.S. Don’t date the guy with the orange truck…and if a guy shows up on a date wearing short shorts and carrying his guitar…just drive off 😂