24 year old me.
Just had my first baby in Germany.
Not yet married 2 years and my husband about to leave for a war zone for 12 months .
The smile hid a lot.
It hid the self righteousness that I carried with me as I met new people in the military community.
Yes - I was a liberated woman! I was wearing pants and showing off my collarbone !
But inside I was still chained to the dogma that wouldn’t really start breaking for another year.
Alone.
But not because others didn’t try to befriend me. But I was too good to hang out with them. How could I keep my “testimony” if I DARED enter a house that had alcohol in it? Or hung out with other women who didn’t believe in Jesus?
I remember saying to my mom, ” I’m here for a great purpose! To win all these military wives to Jesus!”
How so?
Win them by snubbing them, looking down at them for not having 𝘮𝘺 moral code, and keeping myself ”set apart”.
None of these actions made a difference except to isolate me and make me look like a jerk.
I was rude to many people- and I regret that. I wish I could change my behavior and go back to befriend so many who were lonely and hurting just like me.
-Amber Schultz
2023
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